‘To thine own self be true and it follows, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.’ [from Shakespeare’s Hamlet]
This quotation came to my mind early this morning, far too early in fact to be getting up! But this thought led to others, to sayings that I’d been told in my childhood, some from my parents, my grandparents, even my great grandparents; others, like the one above, from literature or—I discovered later in life—from the Bible. In my work, I’ve returned to thinking about ‘norms and values’. Perhaps this led me to examine my own—so clearly culturally influenced. Many are encapsulated in short, pithy sayings like these below—with suitable additions and qualifications to reflect what has surely partially guided my own life (in no particular order).
- Never do anything you wouldn’t want printed in the newspaper (from my great grandfather, via my Dad)
- Compete only against yourself (same source)
- The early bird catches the worm [have some ambition to accomplish something in life]
- ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men [and women] are created equal’ [or at least deserving of equal respect, justice, and opportunity]
- ‘Honor thy father and mother’
- Be kind to others and faithful [the interpretation of which can be difficult]
- Tell the truth, be honest with others [sometimes in conflict with the effort to be kind]
- Love and care for your children [who also deserve your respect]
- Be responsible
- ‘Don’t hide your light under a bushel’ [let your strengths shine through and be of use to others]
- ‘Pride cometh before a fall’ [being arrogant is a bad idea]
- ‘If it’s worth doing at all, it’s worth doing well’
- Don’t lie, steal, kill, or give in to greed [selections from the Ten Commandments]
- ‘Turn the other cheek’ [don’t seek revenge; try to understand the other person]]
- Be kind to animals
- Use your intelligence for the good of your fellow human beings
As a small child, my mother used to recite the poem, Abou ben Adhem, to me: it captures something central to my values.
Abou Ben Adhem – by James Henry Leigh Hunt
- Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase!)
Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace,
And saw, within the moonlight in his room,
Making it rich, and like a lily in bloom,
An angel writing in a book of gold:—
Exceeding peace had made Ben Adhem bold,
And to the Presence in the room he said
“What writest thou?”—The vision raised its head,
And with a look made of all sweet accord,
Answered “The names of those who love the Lord.”
“And is mine one?” said Abou. “Nay, not so,”
Replied the angel. Abou spoke more low,
But cheerly still, and said “I pray thee, then,
Write me as one that loves his fellow men.”
The angel wrote, and vanished. The next night
It came again with a great wakening light,
And showed the names whom love of God had blessed,
And lo! Ben Adhem’s name led all the rest.
And of course, as a child of an anthropologist and a psychologist, I was encouraged to understand cultural difference and to respect individual difference as well. I was raised on cultural relativism, moderated by the exhortations and admonitions above—sometimes prompting considerable internal confusion, analysis, and difficult personal decisions about the best course of action or response.
What will be the cultural exhortations and ‘rules’ that will guide the current young and future generations?